just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
