Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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