im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
