Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
