Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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