Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
