we have officially lost it.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
