I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
