Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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