I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
