I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
