What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
