Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
