it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
