i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
