I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
