You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
