I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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