Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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