I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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