she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just had sex on a roof
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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