Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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