If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
