my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
