dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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