I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
