toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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