My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
