they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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