thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Come see our sink grown plant.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
