When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My feet surprised me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
