It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
