Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
