I hope mine doesn't look like that
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
