nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
