My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
