On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
