Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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