I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
