Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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