Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize