I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
