I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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