All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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