I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
