I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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