He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
