The best revenge is premature balding
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
