the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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