don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am available for nakedness
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
