nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
