How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
