i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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