Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize