Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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