She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
