i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
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just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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