You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
