i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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