He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
