remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.