Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace

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(408): View more from California

It's chlamydia! Thank God!

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(615): View more from Tennessee

My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(813): View more from Florida

My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars

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(517): View more from Michigan

I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.

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(310): View more from California

Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding

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