wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
