I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
