Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?