I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
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how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.