you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I want her autograph on my taint
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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