Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis