I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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