I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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