You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
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I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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