today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
