genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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