did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Randomize