my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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