I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
