we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
