I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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