You made me cry and you don't even care
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she pinky promised me she was 18
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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