Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
