that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
