yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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