I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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