I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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