He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
