There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
